There Is No Away

I’m ranting lately. It’s been a hard week in a hard month in a hard year, and I just want it all to go away.

All the things I just can’t deal with, all the people who hurt me or those I love, all the problems that can’t be solved easily, all the systems that don’t work. I want them to go away.

The world is a big place. Too big. I can’t keep it all in my head. I can’t always cope with the chaos.

The Universe is even bigger, and only as orderly as it needs to be to hold together.

That’s not enough. I want it to be fair.

It’s times like this I understand why people want to believe in Ragnarok, in Armageddon, in any and every Apocalypse, now please. Because it seems like if we can wipe the slate clean of all this… this… CRAP… then maybe we can get somewhere with the better worlds we can imagine.

But that means throwing all THIS away, first. And I can’t swallow the delusion that only the things I like will survive. I can’t even swallow the delusion that I would survive. If I want to live, this is the only world available for me to live in. I have to be willing to live in it, flaws and all.

Horrors and all.

The Worlds are not disposable. What does it even mean to be disposable? What does it mean to make things and people go away? Where is away?

Even if I decide I can’t deal with it, and run away, I’m still somewhere, still have problems and needs and responsibilities.

Every problem I can’t deal with is still a problem until it’s actually solved.

Every item I’m done with is still somewhere in the world, contributing to a compost pile or a trash heap.

Every person I can’t stand will still exist, still have needs and rights and still affect the world whether I continue to acknowledge them or not.

Every system I want to opt out of is still there for everyone else stuck in it, and if I did manage to somehow remove it, all the things it was there to take care of still need taking care of.

All the people nobody likes, all the criminals and the crazies and the broken people nobody wants to take care of anymore, they still have to eat, they still need shelter, they still have a right to exist.

If I make them not my problem, then whose problem are they?

No.

There is no away.

Away is an illusion, a lie we tell ourselves, to make the world small enough that we can live in it without fear.

The Worlds are but jewels on the Tree, and the Tree is engulfed by the Void.

And even the Void is not Away.

–Ember–

 

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