It’s a little before 9:00 PM, Pacific Time, and I’m listening to music at my computer using YouTube. I’d thought of doing some more work on the third draft of my second novel, when the enormity of the Transgender Day of Remembrance suddenly hit me.
I feel so fucking powerless in this world where the lives of persons like me seem to be worth so much less than those who aren’t in any way gender expansive. (To my harassers on Twitter: No, I haven’t given up. I’m gonna stand, and you can gargle my junk!)
I’m in a liminal space these days. Anne’s illness and my need to provide for our family has me reevaluating what my plans for ministry really could or should be. Do I take a leave of absence and return to the MDiv program in the Fall 2016 semester? Or do I focus on my multi-faith ministry exclusively from the Pagan side? Do I follow the example of Jesus and take up my cross, accepting the possibility of martyrdom for the betterment of trans lives? Or, do I take inspiration from the Morrighan and take up my crossbow and go into battle, no longer content to work for trans liberation but actively fighting instead? The work I had completed this semester shows that I am quite clearly an adversarial theologian. Should I embrace that and become and emissary of the Adversary, flipping tables and shaking foundations?
What I am capable of? What needs to be done?
I’m in need of temple time, for lack of a better phrase.