The Heretic Writes: Forgive me… #lent

Forgive me for today I can’t repost another thing about racism, queer rights, fat activism, or politics.

Today, I can’t stand to read another thing about the cruelty that humans do to each other.

This week I can’t really stay angry about injustice. I just don’t have the energy.

Forgive me because right now the line about “If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention!” seems condescending and elitist.

Forgive me because I haven’t commented on the recent injustice that’s been happening. Right now, it seems more like a chore than righteous work.

Please forgive me for not doing things they way you think I should do them, but just know that I AM listening. That I DO hear you. I DO see you. I DO love you.

I am doing my best to be someone who brings voices to the table. My ministry is all about having people listen to the stories of the “other.” I hear the cries of those who have been tread on, beat down, and used. I hear the voices of those who have been abused, trafficked, and scarred. I see all of these things. I see the pain and the joy. I try and have hope, and am often disappointed in people. When I lose hope, I am often surprised at what people can do to help each other. I pay attention and am horrified by people I’ve just met and can be surprised by something new a close, long time friend says.

I am doing my best to be a priest and pastor, so forgive me when I fail. Because I will fail sometimes. I am a human being, and while I strive to be good, there are times where I just need to walk away and take care of myself.

I am angry about a lot of things in this world, but it is impossible to maintain that anger long term. Instead I try to do my ministry well and bring the voices out; to support in the ways that I know I can do the most good.

So, forgive me. I cannot be or do what you think I should. I CAN do what I know how to do best and pray that it will do something, even if it’s not enough.

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